The Five Scooter Riders You'll See at the Park

At every park fortunate (unfortunate?) enough to have a population of scooter riders, there are some standard style riders that can be found at any one time.  Chances are you fall under one of the below categories, and if you don’t, you’re lying to yourself.  Most riders will go through each “stage” at some point in their life, so if you have a large population of the groms, don’t be too bummed; with a little guidance from you, they’ll learn what’s up.  Note that these classifications are not all-encompassing and that this article is for entertainment purposes only.  Kthx.

1.  The Scooter Kid.  This small, two to ten year old child is the reason why scooters are hated on, plain and simple.  They ride stock Razor A model scooters, or perhaps a Barbie or Spiderman model.  Their parents don’t seem to understand that the skatepark is NOT a daycare.  They let their little tyke run around on the ramps, go back and forth, getting in your way every single time you’re about to drop in.  They are the reason that people think scooters are for kids, not for shreddin.  Hot mom optional.

2.  The Park Rat.  This is the first real stage in the path to becoming a mature scooter rider.  Thanks to Dad’s credit card, this rider has a complete, color coordinated MGP, District, or Envy setup.  They know some things about park etiquette and the sport in general, but will still chill with their frontwheel over the coping, doing barspins.  They’ll ask you a million questions (“Can you backflip?  Are you sponsored?  What kind of scooter is that?”) and generally be annoying.  The thing is, the parents of these kids are the ones that make up most of the industry’s paying customers- so if you want your favorite company to keep running, or your favorite rider to keep traveling and coming out with videos, you gotta play nice and teach these guys what’s up.  They are the future.

3.  The Park Shark.  This is an advanced form of the Park Rat, borne from the stinky recesses of the foam pit.  Front bris and kicklesses at the ready, the Park Shark also comes equipped with a helmet/kneepads/elbowpads.  He spends all day getting his tricks perfected on the flyout, one-upping his fellow riders, and may consider the Tilt team to be pretty much a flat team.  He probably cannot doublewhip flat, but he can buttercup air.  Sometimes riders can get stuck in this cocky stage until well into their pro careers (What rhymes with soda, for 100 please). 

4.  The Street Elitist.  Every Street Elitist is issued a standard uniform, given when their first hurricane full cab is landed:  Janoskis, Huf weed socks, cuffed pants (usually chinos), a collared, button-up shirt with some kind of floral design, and a five panel hat (extra street cred for Supreme).   These guys will usually be riding the flat box or rail, scoffing at the younger kids and their briflips (and secretly trying them when no one’s looking).  It is also required that they use Tame Impala in their videos.  For them, rider-owned companies > all, and nothing is worse than the blood-sucking corporate entities taking advantage of the growing scooter industry.

Another form of this rider is something I like to call the Parachutist.  These riders wear XXXL sized shirts/sweatshirts, ride a lot of street type obstacles, but you hardly ever see them riding actual street.  Their riding can be compared to tap-dancing, in more ways than one.  Juicy J is the soundtrack to their life.

See also: SwagFag.

5.  The OG.  This dude has it all figured out.  It doesn’t matter what clothes he wears, he isn’t trying to impress anyone.  He might like riding transition, or ledges, or everything.  He doesn’t identify himself as a street or park rider, but simply as a scooter rider.  He likes to support certain brands but doesn’t mind the kids repping other brands, because they’re all a piece of the puzzle.  Indeed, it’s hard to make a joke about this guy.  Maybe he should quit riding, go to college, get a real job, and start skating, because scootering is for kids.

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