Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Five Scooter Riders You'll See at the Park

At every park fortunate (unfortunate?) enough to have a population of scooter riders, there are some standard style riders that can be found at any one time.  Chances are you fall under one of the below categories, and if you don’t, you’re lying to yourself.  Most riders will go through each “stage” at some point in their life, so if you have a large population of the groms, don’t be too bummed; with a little guidance from you, they’ll learn what’s up.  Note that these classifications are not all-encompassing and that this article is for entertainment purposes only.  Kthx.

1.  The Scooter Kid.  This small, two to ten year old child is the reason why scooters are hated on, plain and simple.  They ride stock Razor A model scooters, or perhaps a Barbie or Spiderman model.  Their parents don’t seem to understand that the skatepark is NOT a daycare.  They let their little tyke run around on the ramps, go back and forth, getting in your way every single time you’re about to drop in.  They are the reason that people think scooters are for kids, not for shreddin.  Hot mom optional.

2.  The Park Rat.  This is the first real stage in the path to becoming a mature scooter rider.  Thanks to Dad’s credit card, this rider has a complete, color coordinated MGP, District, or Envy setup.  They know some things about park etiquette and the sport in general, but will still chill with their frontwheel over the coping, doing barspins.  They’ll ask you a million questions (“Can you backflip?  Are you sponsored?  What kind of scooter is that?”) and generally be annoying.  The thing is, the parents of these kids are the ones that make up most of the industry’s paying customers- so if you want your favorite company to keep running, or your favorite rider to keep traveling and coming out with videos, you gotta play nice and teach these guys what’s up.  They are the future.

3.  The Park Shark.  This is an advanced form of the Park Rat, borne from the stinky recesses of the foam pit.  Front bris and kicklesses at the ready, the Park Shark also comes equipped with a helmet/kneepads/elbowpads.  He spends all day getting his tricks perfected on the flyout, one-upping his fellow riders, and may consider the Tilt team to be pretty much a flat team.  He probably cannot doublewhip flat, but he can buttercup air.  Sometimes riders can get stuck in this cocky stage until well into their pro careers (What rhymes with soda, for 100 please). 

4.  The Street Elitist.  Every Street Elitist is issued a standard uniform, given when their first hurricane full cab is landed:  Janoskis, Huf weed socks, cuffed pants (usually chinos), a collared, button-up shirt with some kind of floral design, and a five panel hat (extra street cred for Supreme).   These guys will usually be riding the flat box or rail, scoffing at the younger kids and their briflips (and secretly trying them when no one’s looking).  It is also required that they use Tame Impala in their videos.  For them, rider-owned companies > all, and nothing is worse than the blood-sucking corporate entities taking advantage of the growing scooter industry.

Another form of this rider is something I like to call the Parachutist.  These riders wear XXXL sized shirts/sweatshirts, ride a lot of street type obstacles, but you hardly ever see them riding actual street.  Their riding can be compared to tap-dancing, in more ways than one.  Juicy J is the soundtrack to their life.

See also: SwagFag.

5.  The OG.  This dude has it all figured out.  It doesn’t matter what clothes he wears, he isn’t trying to impress anyone.  He might like riding transition, or ledges, or everything.  He doesn’t identify himself as a street or park rider, but simply as a scooter rider.  He likes to support certain brands but doesn’t mind the kids repping other brands, because they’re all a piece of the puzzle.  Indeed, it’s hard to make a joke about this guy.  Maybe he should quit riding, go to college, get a real job, and start skating, because scootering is for kids.

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68 comments:

  1. Yes jordan this was great! Fun for the whole family. Please do more like these. Parachutist or die!

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  2. I prefer Codeine Enthusiast, not Parachutist

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  3. Great article, hilariously and sadly true, but hey this is our sport and we are multi facetted for good, bad or indifference. Please do more like this, light hearted comedic irony that can be enjoyed by the masses makes for great content

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  4. Haha im the street elitist cuffed chinos with old skool vans hahah

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  5. OG rider right here! started with the razor stocks and i can easily connect to all these types of riders makes sense! create more of these types of articles!

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  6. Haha hilarious :) Do more, funny cause its true

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  7. hit the nail on the head with the parachutist

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  8. This is so fucking awesome.

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  9. So real! Haven't felt this realnes on IS so much lately. But it's all culture, people can shift whatever identification they want to have.

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  10. Fucking brilliant article.

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  11. Shoutout to Kaaden bewley on the parachutist part

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    Replies
    1. Lmfao! Jordan this is brilliant, one thing everyone should take from this is to be a trendsetter not a follower.

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    2. hahahaha thats exactly who he was referring to hahaha

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    3. Why does anyone care what I'm wearing? Wear what you want to wear, I put out videos for my riding not for you fools to look at my clothes

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  12. This shit is spot on my man keep up the good work

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  13. Just keep on poisoning the sport more and more. This internal passive-aggressive elitist bullshit will bring down scootering long before hate from skaters and bikers will. Grow up and have some pride in your own sport.

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  14. And that's why I ride everything, haha
    I liked this though, a good read.

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  15. best article in inside scooter

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  16. the juicy J comment made my day.

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  17. obviously this wont fully represent every body exactly as they are stereotypes but it was pretty funny. i come under street elitist the most but its nothing like me ahahhah. i have emericas cuffed jeans and a random t shirt and 5 panel. but i really dont like janos huf socks. button up shirts are cool but not for riding in ahhaha. and more riding side i dont care what people do at the park bri flips whatever as long as they dont get in my way and its done well, so many kids do sketchy tricks flyout and onto resi and expect props from everyone and they think its sick. something done clean whatever it is, is always cooler haha

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  18. i agree, but at the same time i think you are missing a stage...for example where do you catagorise yourself? beacuse if you say that you dont care about what you were youre lying... maybe there is some kind of ironi in this, idk... i couldn't really catagorize myself in any of these... (sorry if my english sucks....)

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  19. Oh my this is sooooo awesome. Spot on. Definitely post more stuff like this.

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  20. Dude I didn't even notice the tapdancing thing....that is the funniest thing fucking ever. leg dancs 4 lyf yo!11!

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  21. parachutist
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LPhosy-vfw

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  22. Didn't know I could find a street elitist at a skatepark!

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  23. as the father of Mike Montgomery, I have spent many hours at the skate park (RIP Skatebarn West) and have seen all these riders, and made many of these observations. I found this article to be very humorous, and the inside jabs pointed. Keep it up.
    P.S. I get 100 pts, plus I should receive an extra 10 bonus point for my son being in THAT video.

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  24. You wont meet any street elytists at skatparks, because their all out filming for the tilt dvd

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  25. This topic finally got on IS haha.

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  26. i smirked at all these personality of scooter riders in a park and is spot on theres deff all of these at my local park

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  27. Jordan Jasa, who died and made you king shit? "entertainment purposes" Entertain these nuts.
    - Kyle Tolentino

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  28. Im deff. an OG cause I should probly go back to school get a real job and ride a board cause scooters are dumb. Kendama life!
    -steve fales

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  29. sad thing is this is 100% true and the park rats and scooters kids take up most the skatepark, then theres a few park sharks, street elitists and parachutists, then the odd OG, street elitist parachustist right here, ngl, extra baggy for extra steeze points

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  30. I don't think this is Jordan being a bigot, I think this is actually just him being humorous. Because it's unfortunate that we can divide riders into these stereotypes, but it's also hilariously true. I myself fall under 4-5. Which I find sadly true because the riders that I chill with at the park are the parachutist and elitist. And choosing to be decently dressed to ones own opinion can influence others placement of you into the five stereotypes described here.

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  31. this totally made my day! and it is so true!

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  32. Lol im def in the street category.. although i do not wear chinos and five panels.. or those huff socks... or anything you stated in the post.

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  33. https://vimeo.com/79642502
    Watch pls. Thats my friend and i filmed for him.

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  34. I ride street but I'm about that skinny jeans, flannel/tank, and flipped up brim life

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  35. This is awesome. More more more!

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  36. Dude, all this is so true, out of the six riders in my area they all fall into one of these categories including me as the OG.

    Peace, Chris C

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  37. 6. The douchey overly street riders with pants way to short with a belt and XXS shirts, with the short hair comb over, that hates on everything in site thinking they rule the scooter community.

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    Replies
    1. 7. The poser street rider who rides street style obstacles and does all the same tricks, who used to be a park rat last week. Prime example: Kaaden Bewley

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    2. Everyone starts as a park rat thats how you learn the tricks, you're not gunna learn tricks down a stair set

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  38. Jordan i swear if you ever come to arizona im going to fuck you up. Your so fucking judgemental. Because you run this blog thing with other guys doesnt mean you can just post your opinions about the sport. All this shit here is a bunch of bullshit. Theres a fine line between from saying some opinions that are okay and some that is bullshit, and you clearly just past that line. What ever happen to the days where you can just ride and have fun doing what you love and not judge people how they ride or have them know to be in different categories. You fucking make me sick when I read the shit you post on here.

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    Replies
    1. Calm down there guy..

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    2. The point of a blog is literally to provide opinion based content. This is what differentiates a blog from a news outlet. A news outlet is held by law to report the news in an unbias manner. People generally read blogs to gain insight into the world through someone else's eyes. Sorry you don't realise this.

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    3. actually that is exactly what it means to have his own blog, don't like it move on :P
      Clearly you overreacted, just chill out. Mostly everybody else found it funny.

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    4. Learn to take everything you read on the internet with a grain of salt

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  39. Jake Hershey (OG) hahahaNovember 28, 2013 at 9:03 PM

    DUDE! I love this. 100% MORE MORE MORE!! You hit everything on the head. Ahhhhh <333

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  40. Its is fucked up to judge but lowkey this is true andd for this scooter society that we are in we shouldent bagg on eachother we should take or anger out on those who think the sport is stupid we should not let them say shit about us or put us in catagorys like this we need to fight back like seriously for all u scooters out there start throwing ur fist get us on the news make this sport the downest most sick ass craziest shit out there Sincierly, OG NoNEK

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    Replies
    1. says we should put people into categories,signs "og nonek"

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    2. nobody should be put into categories or judged Wtf?? u cant even read who ever put that reply should be in a category called dumass.. ,NoNEK

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  41. Jeremy Peterson(Elitest/Parachutist)December 5, 2013 at 2:46 AM

    dude the comments are the best +1 for the guy with the "they're all filming for the tilt video" comment. I took all this as humorous, none seriously. Although some of it is strangely accurate

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  42. I think I am none of these. I feel like I would be an OG rider if I hadn't been riding for only two or three years

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  43. haha y,all know which one I am hahaha, this is great honestly :D

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  44. the og should not start skating

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