Thursday, June 30, 2016

SELLOUT RANKINGS

For reasons explained later in this article, I must inform the readers that this is a satirical article meant to entertain, not to be taken seriously. So don't take this seriously. Or do, it's a free country.

The struggle to maintain one’s integrity through the temptation of soulless exploitation within scootering is very real. The number of ways to make money in this industry without compromising one’s morals is miniscule, if not nonexistent. So, we see certain individuals taking advantage to propel themselves into fame and fortune. Is it really so wrong to capitalize on your passion? Not really, but it’s fun to roast the dudes who do some lame shit. You’re all thinking it, I just wrote it. So without further ado, here’s the top nine Scootering Sellouts.

  1. Tanner Fox- The vlogs weren’t that bad, initially. But then after gaining some popularity, the fame started going to his head. That first taste only left him wanting more. He became skilled in the art of clickbaiting, titling his videos in all caps and inserting enticing thumbnails, while including less and less scootering and more and more dicking around. Now he uploads videos every other day, in order to appease the three quarters of a million subscribers he has, because if he doesn’t, his empire will fall.
  2. Funk Bros- Just how many teams have these guys been on? They’ve been on more teams combined than world’s firsts they’ve landed. Why is this? The answer starts with the letter M and rhymes with “honey”. And now hiring a dude to tell them the best ways to make money from scootering? Maybe you should train a little harder and you’ll be getting them first place checks, Capron. And I’m not even getting into their webisodes.
  3. Dakota Shuetz- Where to begin? Starting with being Fuzion’s ex-poster boy, Kota threw his own metaphorical (because ginger) soul in the trash when he canned that old two wheeled scooter.  Look back to just a couple years ago when the kid was on Lucky- he had a whole signature scooter coming out, like the entire line was being produced, then decided to dip on them because he wasn’t getting paid enough for it. Or something like that, it's hard to say with his tyrannical father pulling the strings behind the scenes.
  4. Jon Reyes JRIZZY- Remember Proto Catalyst Jon Reyes?  That was the best Jon Reyes. Jon, along with Dan Barrett, originally sold out to Phoenix back in 2011.While Dan has done great things with Phoenix, what did we see from Jon? Four flatland edits. He later followed the money to Envy, where he gets paid to film flatland clips every day. Oh, and lets not forget when he was sponsored by one of those fraudulent “magic” balance wristband companies.
  5. Everyone who dances on ledges like it’s actually impressive- doing a million tiny grinds/nose “manuals”/bars/whips/180s on a ledge is NOT hard. Especially when you throw 4 pegs on. You know why these people choose to ride this way? Because it’s super impressive to every little scooter kid who thinks more tricks = better. Thus, you get more views, and your sponsors respond accordingly.  It’s sad really- there’s no incentive to be creative, instead doing the same cookie cutter ledge combos is rewarded.
  6. Jordan Jasa- The Comissioner has staunchly supported rider owned companies since he made the move from Blunt/Envy to Tilt. So what puts him on this list, you ask? The guy has made money through advertising on Inside from pretty much all the major companies, including those evil bloodsucking corporation types, for years. It’s pretty obvious that his journalistic integrity has been compromised in order to appease the hand that feeds. Also, the dude is on Tilt and can't hit handrails, whats up with that? He sucks.
  7. Evan Yamada/James Gee/Blake Bailor- it pains me to add these guys but let’s be honest. Lucky adding Kota to their team was the final straw for these old street veterans. They didn’t want to be on a company so geared towards children anymore, so they called it quits. Then, after realizing there was nowhere else to go, they crawled back to continue leaching off a brand who couldn’t care less about supporting the core scene.  There was also this.
  8. Terry Price- #YOLOWARRIOR. Nuff said.
  9. Josh Toy- I’ll be the first to tell you, Josh is a legend in scootering. First to do tons of tricks, one of the first people to place emphasis on and develop a real individual style, got countless people into scootering through the RVM series and his early Youtube edits. But its 2016 now. It’s been at least five years since he’s been relevant, but his Instagram bio lists nine, count em, nine sponsors. When was the last time you saw Josh Toy footy you were hyped on? Ever since he dropped Razor, he’s been milking it. Sad to say, but that’s the truth.

There it is, folks. What do you think of this list? Agree, disagree, have more to add? Drop a comment down below and let us hear it. If you enjoyed this content, please do us a favor and share it on FB, or your social network of choice. Thanks!

28 comments:

  1. 10. Sugar Shane - Sold his soul to the devil to get noticed in scootering. Still not relevant.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There comes a point in everyone's life where they need to make a living and why not do it using the skills/abilities they already have doing something they love? As much as I agree with some of the points raised, there's really no need to bring all this negativity into the sport! Just get over the fact that some people are smart enough to monetize their talents, meanwhile you call them out on being successful and promoting the sport... like that's a 'bad' thing

    - OG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that money has to fuel their "love" of the sport is the reason for this list and a reason for the hate. Its pathetic and morally wrong.

      Delete
    2. OG,


      There is room to "call them out" based on the fact that there exists good promotion and bad promotion. Promoting scootering through funk bro blog videos for the young kids to eat up is just further associating the sport with the portion of scootering that is little flyout kids and 'scooter acrobatics' (also known as smx). Funk bros and others alike are being called out based on selling out and giving the sport the wrong type of promotion. Scootering isn't abut shooting out of a quarter pipe and seeing how many times you can throw your scooter around in the air before you land on the flat ground. They aren't promoting the sport from an expressive or artistic standpoint whatsoever. This, OG, is why they are being "called out".

      Delete
    3. Alec Mothafuckin BackhusJuly 10, 2016 at 8:20 AM

      Lol I bet this was Jake Hershey! Always a trying to avoid any negativity lolol

      Delete
  3. insight and input in our sport is allways good no mater your preference or inclination, forums are an expression based on passion so not all will agree 100% of the time The point is to have a place to express your passion so cudos for that . Keep Rollin G

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  4. You posted a sellout list promoting yourself as a sellout? Bump that above t fox!

    Definitely a funny read, enjoyed every bit of it.

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  5. You are a fucking cunt.

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  6. Haha this was funny. I like that you included yourself.

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  7. Hahahaha savage. Didn't laugh this nice in a long time. 11/10 will read again.

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  8. This is kind of refreshing, a little.

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  9. And those evil blood sucking types that have been supporting your site for years realize it is old news, so they stopped giving you money.

    Appreciate the shoutout though! Turnstyle Brands hires and supports riders as much as possible. Keep that in mind. Also, probably support more events than anyone. So us blood suckers really take the sport down huh?

    Enough is enough man. How old are we? haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol so triggered. Surprised you weren't even on the list. Biggest ego because you are the only one who wants to do your job.

      Delete
    2. Sorry dude, my ego is not big at all. Just looking out for the people who actually care about this sport and not trying to break it up from the inside out.

      Delete
    3. Hire me then jakey poopdicc wants a job he enjoys:)

      Delete
  10. Jordan is savage af

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jordan Jasa- remember when he only rode a kicker and a flat rail? Yeah that was the Jordan Jasa everyone liked. Back when he road for inward and wore regular clothes. Back when he didn't dress like he was going to a job interview at a gay bar with his pants cuffed to his knees so that being on them all the time wouldn't hurt and pants karate chopped so far up his ass he is spitting them out when he talks.

    Jealousy is clearly shown in this article my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sure have thought a lot about Jordan's pants. Very unhealthy levels of salt in some of these replies

      Delete
  12. How do you expect the sport to progress if no one "sells out" i get the ahole moral thing and hopping sponsors for $$ is a bit how ya goin, but making money from scootering in general isnt that bad... it should be admirable. Like does anyone call rwilly a selliut cause hes on a million dollar contract with nitro? No that motherfucker earnt it and good on him.

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  13. i scooter because its fun, enough said.

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  14. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  15. Jordan you should be at the bottom of that list your a joke and r willy should definately make the list, Jon Reyes 4 flat edits shits over any video part, fuck you all I hate you

    ReplyDelete

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