For reasons explained later in this article, I must inform the readers that this is a satirical article meant to entertain, not to be taken seriously. So don't take this seriously. Or do, it's a free country.
The struggle to maintain one’s integrity through the temptation of soulless exploitation within scootering is very real. The number of ways to make money in this industry without compromising one’s morals is miniscule, if not nonexistent. So, we see certain individuals taking advantage to propel themselves into fame and fortune. Is it really so wrong to capitalize on your passion? Not really, but it’s fun to roast the dudes who do some lame shit. You’re all thinking it, I just wrote it. So without further ado, here’s the top nine Scootering Sellouts.
- Tanner Fox- The vlogs weren’t that bad, initially. But then after gaining some popularity, the fame started going to his head. That first taste only left him wanting more. He became skilled in the art of clickbaiting, titling his videos in all caps and inserting enticing thumbnails, while including less and less scootering and more and more dicking around. Now he uploads videos every other day, in order to appease the three quarters of a million subscribers he has, because if he doesn’t, his empire will fall.
- Funk Bros- Just how many teams have these guys been on? They’ve been on more teams combined than world’s firsts they’ve landed. Why is this? The answer starts with the letter M and rhymes with “honey”. And now hiring a dude to tell them the best ways to make money from scootering? Maybe you should train a little harder and you’ll be getting them first place checks, Capron. And I’m not even getting into their webisodes.
- Dakota Shuetz- Where to begin? Starting with being Fuzion’s ex-poster boy, Kota threw his own metaphorical (because ginger) soul in the trash when he canned that old two wheeled scooter. Look back to just a couple years ago when the kid was on Lucky- he had a whole signature scooter coming out, like the entire line was being produced, then decided to dip on them because he wasn’t getting paid enough for it. Or something like that, it's hard to say with his tyrannical father pulling the strings behind the scenes.
- Jon Reyes JRIZZY- Remember Proto Catalyst Jon Reyes? That was the best Jon Reyes. Jon, along with Dan Barrett, originally sold out to Phoenix back in 2011.While Dan has done great things with Phoenix, what did we see from Jon? Four flatland edits. He later followed the money to Envy, where he gets paid to film flatland clips every day. Oh, and lets not forget when he was sponsored by one of those fraudulent “magic” balance wristband companies.
- Everyone who dances on ledges like it’s actually impressive- doing a million tiny grinds/nose “manuals”/bars/whips/180s on a ledge is NOT hard. Especially when you throw 4 pegs on. You know why these people choose to ride this way? Because it’s super impressive to every little scooter kid who thinks more tricks = better. Thus, you get more views, and your sponsors respond accordingly. It’s sad really- there’s no incentive to be creative, instead doing the same cookie cutter ledge combos is rewarded.
- Jordan Jasa- The Comissioner has staunchly supported rider owned companies since he made the move from Blunt/Envy to Tilt. So what puts him on this list, you ask? The guy has made money through advertising on Inside from pretty much all the major companies, including those evil bloodsucking corporation types, for years. It’s pretty obvious that his journalistic integrity has been compromised in order to appease the hand that feeds. Also, the dude is on Tilt and can't hit handrails, whats up with that? He sucks.
- Evan Yamada/James Gee/Blake Bailor- it pains me to add these guys but let’s be honest. Lucky adding Kota to their team was the final straw for these old street veterans. They didn’t want to be on a company so geared towards children anymore, so they called it quits. Then, after realizing there was nowhere else to go, they crawled back to continue leaching off a brand who couldn’t care less about supporting the core scene. There was also this.
- Josh Toy- I’ll be the first to tell you, Josh is a legend in scootering. First to do tons of tricks, one of the first people to place emphasis on and develop a real individual style, got countless people into scootering through the RVM series and his early Youtube edits. But its 2016 now. It’s been at least five years since he’s been relevant, but his Instagram bio lists nine, count em, nine sponsors. When was the last time you saw Josh Toy footy you were hyped on? Ever since he dropped Razor, he’s been milking it. Sad to say, but that’s the truth.
There it is, folks. What do you think of this list? Agree, disagree, have more to add? Drop a comment down below and let us hear it. If you enjoyed this content, please do us a favor and share it on FB, or your social network of choice. Thanks!
